He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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