I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
