Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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