I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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