Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
