Just cropdusted the office
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The uberlube is also flammable
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize