Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
