Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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