Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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