Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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