Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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