I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
