TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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