Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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