why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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