Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
