respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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