I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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