can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
