i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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