how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
