eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
