So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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