so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
