when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
