im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
