I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sext me about skeletons
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
