My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
