If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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