I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My life is pants optional.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
