isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
