I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
