You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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