good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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