I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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