R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
