marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
