I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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