So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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