Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
