so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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