So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
