is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
