I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
