Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
