He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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