he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
