i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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