Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
