Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
