cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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