I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Umm I'm too high to move.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
