I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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