i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
