Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
