when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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