I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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