i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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