If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
