I wish I could punch you in the face.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
