Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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