Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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