im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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