i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
