Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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