That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
