no, he came in my armpit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
