i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
