Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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