3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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